Speed Dating
by smartbot94
Summary: Once. He was going to do this once and get it out of his system. Sam Evans took a deep breath and walked to the door. He stopped to read the sign. Meet your soul mate tonight! Speed dating for the heterosexually-challenged!


_A/N: Well, I'm bad. I took a bit of a break from A Sory Story to write this little one-shot. I'll be updating ASS (haha) soon, I promise. Anyway, I hope you guys like this! Reviews are amazing!_

**Speed Dating**

Once. He was going to do this once and get it out of his system.

Sam Evans took a deep breath and walked to the door. He stopped to read the sign.

_Meet your soul mate tonight! Speed dating for the heterosexually-challenged!_

Sam slowly opened the door and walked into the opulent ballroom of the Lima Premier Hotel. Bright chandeliers hung from the ceiling, grossly decorate with dollar store-quality paper hearts. Rows of tables lined with Cupid-patterned trinkets on top of pink tablecloths made the elegant room look like an elementary school classroom around Valentine's Day.

_Why did I even come here, _Sam asked himself. _I'm twenty-five years old. This childish crap is stupid._

Sam was just about to turn around and leave when a voice boomed from a microphone. "OK, gentlemen, it's time to begin the festivities! My name is Sandy Ryerson and I'll be your guide to love tonight. Just think of me as Cupid's assistant!"

Sam rolled his eyes. _What have I gotten myself into?_

"I want all of you lovely men to go over to our booth to sign in. Each man will be assigned as either a top or a bottom. Bottoms will remain seated when I ring the bell, and the tops will then have to put in a little extra work," Sand winked, "and move on to the next bottom every five minutes."

Sam felt sick to his stomach. _Tops and bottoms? How much gayer could this get?_

Sam really turned to leave this time, but bumped into someone.

"Sorry, dude. Totally my bad," Sam said.

"Oh, it's quite all right," the man replied with a sexy Irish accent.

_Woah! Sexy?_ Sam surprised himself at the thought. He had always been a bit curiou about other men but had never considered one sexy (not since the whole Kurt Hummel incident his junior year of high school).

Sam stared at the man in front of him with awe. Everything about him captivated Sam. His beautiful blue eyes, bright brown hair that looked so smooth that he yearned to touch it…

"Anyway, I guess I'm going to go register now. Hope I see you later."

The decision was quick. _There is no way in hell that I'm leaving now. I need his phone number._

Sam followed the attractive man to the registration booth. He was so caught up in watching him that he almost didn't hear the guy dressed as Cupid yell, "Next!"

"Uh…sorry."

"Yeah, whatever. Just write down your name on this card."

Sam did as he was told and walked away with his card reading: "Sam Evans. Bottom at Table 12." He found his seat despite the massive crowd gathered in the ballroom. _Who knew there were that many gay people in Ohio?_

The man Sam had wanted to talk to was nowhere to be found. He immediately became worried that he had gone.

"OK, lovebirds!" Sam was jolted out of his stupor by the loud voice. "Begin the love! And remember, if any of you like cats or dolls, make sure to come see me! Cupid's assistant signing off!" A bell rang and a burly man sat down across from Sam.

"Hey there, baby. How are you?"

Sam had no idea how to respond.

"What, you ain't gonna answer?"

""Uhh…I'm fine. What's uhh…your name?"

"You can just call me Big Daddy."

Sam's eyes widened.

"OK," Sam muttered. "Uhh…B-big D-daddy…what do you do or fun?"

"Guys like you."

"Excuse me?"

"I can see you don't do this often. You a virgin?"

Sam sat still.

"If so, you should come on over to my place. I can loosen you up real good."

"I don't think I…"

"God, come on! You know you want my beefy daddy dick." The man stood up and smoothed out his jeans so that Sam could see the growing erection in his pants.

"Oh my G-" A bell sounded out. _Thank God! Saved by the bell._ Looking disappointed, Big Daddy took out a scrap of paper and scribbled something onto it and slid it across the table. Sam looked at it in disgust. _I think I made a huge mistake coming here._

Sam looked up and saw a man of about 60 sitting down in front of him.

_Well, this can't get any worse._

"So, sonny, how are you?"

The conversations never got any better. In a matter of twenty minutes, he got through an arsonist, a klepto, a racist, and an insomniac. Sam closed and rubbed his eyes out of frustration.

_I should have stayed with women. They didn't hurt me too bad. I'm sure Mercedes didn't mean to cheat on me. Ugh, who am I kidding? Shane was always better for her…it only makes sense. If I had treated her better, she wouldn't have left…but…there was always something missing…_

"What was missing?"

Sam wasn't aware that the Irish guy from earlier had sat down.

"Nothing. Don't worry about it."

"But what if I want to help? I think you could use some."

Sam sighed. "I was just thinking about my ex-wife."

"What about her?"

"I dunno. Sometimes I just miss her…even though it's my fault that she left."

"Why do you say that?"

"Because I expressed some interests…that she didn't like."

"Such as?"

"Liking guys. I mean, she loved gay people. Hell, her best friend in high school was gay. I guess…her husband just shouldn't have been."

"I understand."

_Ugh. Why did I tell him all that? He doesn't care._

"I'm really sorry to hear about your troubles."

A bell rang out.

"No!" Sam involuntarily yelled out.

"Are you OK?"

"Sorry…I just…I dunno. It felt kinda nice talked to somebody about my problems. I don't know what it is about you…but you're easy to talk to and I feel something that I haven't in like, forever."

"Excuse me! It's my turn with the hot blond," a man yelled.

"Sorry, sir," Sam's crush said and moved out of the way.

"Wait," Sam called, "what's your name?"

"Rory. Rory Flanagan."

And then he was gone.

"Screw him. I'm all you'll ever need," the burly man said, snapping Sam back to reality.

"What?"

"He was scrawny and talked funny."

"Shut up!" Sam blurted out, garnering some unwanted attention from the men around him.

"Who the hell you think you talkin' to?" the man bellowed.

Sam couldn't stand it anymore. He had to get away from this place. He stood up to go find Rory. He saw him talking to another guy and Sam felt sick. _He should be talking to me. Only me._

Sam rushed over to him, ignoring the calls of the burly man to come face him like a man.

"Rory!" he shouted, startling the Irishman.

"Yes, Sam? What's wrong?"

"I don't know how you did it or what it means, but you must have put me under some kind of spell because it really shouldn't bother me so much that you're talking to somebody else, but it does and I hate it!"

Rory looked dumbstruck and Sam could feel the heated stares of the room weighing down on him.

All of a sudden, the same voice as usual sounded from a speaker nearby.

"I think we've made quite the match here tonight. I think we need to see a kiss or something after that speech."

Cheers and whistles came from the crowd of men.

_Oh no…this isn't happening, this isn't happening, this isn't happening, _Sam thought blushing.

"What do you say, Sam? Should we give them a good ol' show?" Rory said, slowly standing up.

"B-but…they're-they're watching…I-i-I never done this bef-"

Sam was cut off by Rory's lips on his. The crowd erupted in claps and whistles. Sam only had one thought on his mind.

_I think I'm in love._


End file.
